Dialogue Critic T-Shirts

'He's the sort of person who asks, 'How are you?' and then looks bored when you tell him.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

Exciting potato bugs.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

Trappist talk show.

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Well, geez, you don't need to bite my hea.."

Rishi Sunak interrupts Liz Truss in leader's debate

I've been scouting new locations for the strip. Great. We can certainly use some. Have you found anything exciting so far? Yes. A bench on the other side of the park. It has a trash can in the background.

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

"The nomenclature of 'political correctness' is devisive and opens the profession to ridicule!"

"You don't need to be anti-white to be pro-black."

Covid Podium

"'Holy cow... She can't spell for #!@*. Is that a 'T' or an 'L'? This entire letter is a grammatical nightmare!"

The unfortunate night there were two talking sticks at the conflict resolution meeting.

Isolated fits of enthusiasm erupt at the annual I don't know I just work here convention.

"Well, I'm an expert on communication!"