Dialects Gifts

Yorkshire man sits at computer, screen reads; eBay gum.

'Aye up. . . I've has an Ebygum mail.'

'I think she said, when does the Newcastle flight leave.'

Scouse For Beginners

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Cockney language book

"Once I'm away from Maine, I stop saying ay-yah."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"You're fired."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Campaign for Plain English

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Backfire

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Punctuation Police

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

What's normal?

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"