Dental Rebel Pillows

'Yes, it is true four out of five dentists recommend that particular brand...Lucky for you, I'm that one who knows better.'

"Let them recede, then. No one tells me what to do. Especially not my gums."

Any time is cake o'clock

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Open wide please! So I can get my hand out!"

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Chocs away.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with something missing.

"It's people like you who are ruining rock and roll for the rest of us."

"What's with your hair?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

Dieting is for losers.

Resume of Claude Brisketson Composer

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Ah, summertime! Robert Potts is sitting in for Jim Jensen, who is sitting in for Harry Reasoner, who is sitting in for Walter Cronkite, who is on vacation."

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

Cowpunk

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

Spaghetto

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"This next song is for all the music teachers who said I'd never make it."