Defense Analyst Pillows

"Don't panic. It's one of ours!"

General's Coin Toss

The Generals medals

"Could we move the piece representing ourselves a little farther away from the battle?"

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

'Our troops are NOT under-equipped. In fact only this morning I ordered two dozen inflatable bow and arrow kits which should be with our troops by the end of the year.'

"Our nation hasn't been to war in a hundred years. Where the hell did we get all these medals?"

"No animals were killed in the production and testing of our weapons."

'I believe the use of elastic- bands is down to the new government defence cut-backs!'

'Unleash the drones!'

' I've had much less trouble with the big,bad, wolf since I became a nuclear power.'

Ronald Reagan

'This homeland security is getting out of hand!'

Donald Rumsfeld

'Sir Joselyn you will be pleased to know, I have been looking at some figures and if we dispose of another 1000 soldiers before they get their pensions, we can top ours by 5% and bring digestives back at tea break!'

'Peace is Hell for the defence budget.'

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

Arms dealer - "Off the record, your neighbour just bought the newest FX12 missiles!"

Top secret budget defence white paper.

'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'

Ugly American

'We have the bomb, but need to upgrade our delivery system.'

Defence Cutbacks.

'Ha! And another terrorist cell pretending to be an innocent family bites the dust...'

'At last! Some decent kit.'

"Remind me, is this Operation Tit or Operation Tat?"

"It's blank because we haven't found a new war yet."

"'No war' is hell, too."

"The Pentagon is not getting nearly as much pie as they used to get."

"I'm looking for something that expresses the spirit of the season but doesn't neglect the need for a credible deterrent."

"They're not worth the uranium it would take to blow them to hell."

"You see, Murphy's finger is coming from North Korea or someplace, but my finger comes up and hits Murphy's finger. That's how the Missile Defense system will work--if it works."

"I got that one for spending $1 billion on toilets."

"Tell me that ain't worth 62 cents of every American dollar."