Defender Of Theorems Gifts

Have at you!

The Anti-Agent

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace..."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'You present a very convincing argument.'

'I think the professor is trying out the theory of relativity... trying to make time fly!'

"Countless observations and calculations based on the scientific method led me to the conclusion that the center of the universe is not planet earth, but. . ."

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

A2+B2=C2, 'Are you sure you're not just making this stuff up?'

'Actually, we don't like the term 'cannibal', we prefer to be called 'homovores'.'

"This is Professor Schvrtxvt from Ruritania -- he doesn't speak any English, but he sure is DIVERSE!"

Radomly selected poll respondent

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

"May I remind the faculty that, in the event of a nuclear strike, atom bombs take a gender-neutral pronoun."

'Very clever, Gödel — your theory has a built-in disclaimer!'

"Get your ass back on the road, Pythagoras!"

'Now that they've cracked Fermat's Last Theorem, I don't know what to do with myself all day.'

"Oh, come on. That's your answer to everything!"

"Welcome to the class of 2020. Here's a lists of things you cannot say, do or watch, in case they offend someone you've never met."

Professor Malinowski Failed to Impress His Audience with his Small Bang Theory.

'We are an equal opportunity employer; but you're really pushing it.'

"He ran some linear equations, threw in a few theorems, and before I knew it I was buying rust proofing."

'As station manager, I'd like to apologize to any morons our t.v. editorial may have offended.'

Copyright is always right

Support Our Apologists.

'Okay, maybe I told a lie — but it wasn't an out-and-out lie!'

"This firm has a long history of bringing gravitas to frivolous lawsuits."

"That 'Love thy neighbor' part, does that include cats?"

HAPPYDALE SANITARIUM, 'Dr. Weltschmertz is no longer with us -- He told a little moron joke.'