Defender Of The Defenseless T-Shirts

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Snow Devil

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Free speech isn't cheap!

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace..."

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"Ha! So much for environmentally friendly behaviour!"

Route 666

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"Mr. Miranda....we are using 'schedule 7' to hold you on suspicion of knowing someone who knew someone who was a whistleblower...."

"I'm the kind of woman nobody calls pumpkin."

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

Justice 4 Ron

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

Domestic Spying Drones

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

Freedom of Speech

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Haha, just kidding!"

Religious texts from heaven and hell find common ground...they are made in China.

"Can I see that 'National Law Journal' when you're through with it?"

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

'I'm putting you in charge of past due accounts.'

'Let me guess - a toastmaster?'