Deduction Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

The life of penguins.

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

"Good heavens, Holmes! How did you deduce that I had recently lost my reading glasses?"

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

Artistic license.

'What went particularly well?'

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

'You need to alter your portfolio allocation. Right now it's 25% stocks, 15% bonds and 60% margin loans.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

How to throw your voice: 'I am guilty. I did it. I confess.'

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes, but we just can't allow all these deductions."

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

My tax preparation software accused me of padding my expenses.

The Magicians' Union...

'Do you have anything that will help me do my taxes?' 'Yes, but we're not allowed to sell it on Sundays.'

'This is going to be a level three.'

'I propose we trade services - you cure me of my delusions and I'll protect your navy.'

'Gibbs, I subracted your federal, state and social security taxes and medical from your paycheck, and you owe the firm $50.'

'One loophole per taxpayer only'

"Hey, you're good! I could do with someone like you who knows all the loopholes."

"Are you sure this is the only place we can smoke?"