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The Feng Shui Fish

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

Teapot

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

Met Office: Wet today and dry tomorrow.

"Beats me. They put up the sign and went to their panic room."

'The company I ran was non-profit, but that wasn't intentional.'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

'I'm Bored'

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

Moses' TV guide.

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

'I think I'll wait for the movie.'

"I hear post apocalyptic trilogies are all the rage again."

Freddie's water