Deal Fanatic Gifts

'It's not that I want to be kicked per se, but I hate to miss a sale.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Jack of all trades

'What do you do with the time you save?'

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

Primordial Schmooze

"I got it in the sales."

"Baby, with your money and my money, we could really buy places."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

This isn't a good time to see him --- He just got outbid for a soul on eBay. Beelzebub.

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: After a Fashion

"How much is the sign?"

"I don't know...to me it seems like a cry for help."

'That's not the northern lights! It's new strip mall!'

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

'Our strategy is to begin the meeting with an ironclad no-negotiation policy - and negotiate from there.'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'It was an impulse buy Mary. At 75 percent off in the New Year sale AND free home delivery. . .'

Easter Island moai shake hands below the surface.

Bad news, Ernotep...The Pharoah's cutting our budget.

"It's cheaper to buy soap in chunks instead of bars. Just chip off what you need."

'Right now I'd say our biggest asset is our credit card debt.'

'Do you realize we're all getting richer by charging each other more?'

Dealmobile.

'I had a Groupon.'