Dating App Dabblers Mugs

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

Today's love

cuPad

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

My first mistake.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."