Date Detective Prints

"You could add 'Men who say "Ciao!" who are not even Italian or of Italian descent' to that list."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Micro and Macro Department,

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

Devil in the detail

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

"I see travel and romance. You'll be going away soon. I see a tall, dark stranger with many tattoos."

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

When pedants take a break.

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

Forward Planning - The key to Success

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."