Data Warehousing T-Shirts

'This is our Fact Table.'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

"When I grow up I hope to get into data storage."

Distributor in love with a multitasking robot.

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'We'll take two sets, for upstairs and downstairs.'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'It looks like our data.'

Information about information about information about information.

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

'As I see it, it's a toss-up between a Belgian data processing machine and an American electronic computer.'

STRIP Hambone: Number cruncher

"Maybe the pie chart should have been refrigerated."

Information Tightrope.

Information vs. confusion

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'What would you prefer to see first, Minister, the actual figures, or the gloss we've put on the figures?'

"Stop! Information overload. I need to rebuffer."

'What I appreciate even more than its remarkable speed and accuracy are the words of understanding and compassion I get from it.'

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

'This must be the effect of the climate change! Even the data cloud has started to rain!'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Old MacDonald had a data farm. AI AI O.

'We've always needed an accounting magician.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."