Data Manipulator Mugs

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

Information Tightrope.

Propping up a profits chart.

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

'He's out massaging,manipulating and monopolising.'

'And Fenwick, those pesky third quarter stats? Don't tweak 'em �' torque 'em!'

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

'The Sales Figures for this month aren't looking too healthy - any ideas?'

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

"Miss Wythenshawe? Can I leave early, my brain is full."

Better phone upstairs for the latest figures.

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

"I'm a dynamic pricing consultant."

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

'Freddie, the Little Merger Mogul, didn't expect to have a monopoly right away...'

"Ralph's over-interpreting the data again."

'Sims, thought it was the data, but it's actually you that's flawed.'

Those graphs really do disguise this year's true results. Well done.

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

'He's been trying to control the television for years.'

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

"If we increase the price by fifteen per cent we'll be able to give bigger discounts."

Sally, Jim - you'll handle daily speech writing. Vince, as usual, will be in charge of attack ads.'

Spin doctor arriving at an emergency.

Genetic Meddling - sparrow sharks

'It might help with our friends in the media if you hang that upside down.'