Cynophile T-Shirts

'Hello, security.'

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Benedict Cumberbatch

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"Housekeeping?!"

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

What's an Imax cave?

'It was great. I hated it.'

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

"All stories have been told, all songs have been sung. But that won't stop us from making movie reboots."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

Film Star Robert de Niro

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'Vital mission - movie parody'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Great idea. Movies are so much better on the big screen."

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Someday

May I have the envelope, please?

"'City Slickers' was O.K., but, let's face it, it was no 'Claire's Knee.'"

"Personally, I'm getting sick of sequels."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I love my luvvie."

'I think I'll wait for the movie.'

'Cosa vuol significare 'Spaghetti Western'?'

The Wickerman (Hollywood style)

Jennifer Aniston

Gullibility Test $1.00.

"I preferred the graphic novel of the origin story of the original prequel."

'We are from the planet Condescendia. Take us to your cute little leader.'

'Well, actually my first big break was a slither-on part in 'one was flown into the cuckoo's nest'.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Marcello Mastroianni.