Cynical Diner Mugs

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

"Is anything O.K.?"

The fix is in at shadowburger

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"The usual."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"Dinner looks delicious."