Cynical Commentary Lover T-Shirts

'These personal statements are just me...me...me!'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"With great power comes great reward."

The finer points of marriage.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

Bush vs. America

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Black Friday

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

'You buy low, sell high, leave it all to your unappreciative kids, then die. That's it...'

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

'Huh! Nobody home!'

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Sucking Up to Gen X

'There's always a catch'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"