Customer Whisperer Prints

This is Mr Smith from Big Data Mining. He says he's found an insight.

'The key to customer service is staying one step ahead of the customer. Especially if he's irate.'

'Then again - no pain, no gain.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

"Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?"

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"'Customer care' involves more than reading the memo..."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"He works well with everyone except customers and co-workers."

"Your screams, shouts and swearing may be recorded for training purposes. . ."

"Hank has been beaten down to a tiny scrap of protoplasm, boss. Should we transfer him out of customer service for a while?"

"....If you'd like to relax in our waiting area..."

"...Well, I don't know. The sign's obscured, so I suppose it could say anything."

"Baldo, in this business, customer service is everything. People know when you're lying! So the golden rule is always be sincere...where or not you mean it."

"Things might run smoother, Johnson, if you take the 'cuss' out of customer."

"When a customer won't accept a price hike you're not going to convince them by holding your breath until you turn blue, stamping your feet, and crying."

Poor Customer Service

"Things might run smoother, Johnson, if you take the 'cuss' out of customer."

'Mom, Dad, it's nice of you to visit me at the store, but you know, I am working.'

'I don't need a rewards program for my customers, as much as I do a blind faith program for them.'

'Stop phoning me at work. I don't care if you have got a technical problem!'

'Believe your old dad, my son. If you EVER want to make a sale, you better NEVER defeat your customer at a Golf match.'

'I guess Hopkins is due for a transfer!'

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

'The couple at table 4 said everything was okay, but I know they were lying. It was not okay!'

'To stay competitive, we're instituting a new return policy...if a customer complains about our policy for more than 5 minutes then just give them a refund.' - 'I'm instituting a new strategy for my next review.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

Opening the door to new customers

Mother's Love

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'