Customer Service Whiz Prints

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Direct Marketing...

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"You were right. Building an online business empire is even more fun than playing games."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"