Customer Service Trainer Pillows

"Could you make your complaint about poor customer service later?"

"Your screams may be recorded for training purposes. . ."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"There's always a period of adjustment whenever you hire a new crew."

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'Why is it you never sign up for any trainings?'

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

Pizza Delivery Delays

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'I'm keen on precise statistics as the next person...'

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

"We need to really FOCUS on our customers if we're to rip them off to inflate our profits."

'What, no onion rings?'

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans.' 'Now you don't.'

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'