Curriculum Curator Pillows

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

'My instincts and intuitions are on opposing sides on this schedule.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

The Googler

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Misunderstood artist

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo