Currency Wisecracker Pillows

'At least he didn't demand the 56p small change.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'Do you think we should tell anyone about this?'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

My First Bitcoin.

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

Euro Bait

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'If wine is 85% water, as long as I leave over 15%, I guess I can drink all I want.'

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

'Well, that's a tough question, son. The truth is no one knows what happens when we die, although most religions do believe in some kind of persistent vegetative state.'

The strong Canadian dollar is bad for the Canadian exporting manufacturers.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'Now that we can talk, let me give you some advice....'

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'