Cunning Plot Lover Gifts

"Don't worry about digging under the chicken coop fence: I have a bolt-cutter..."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

Heaven

Subway Thrillers

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

'I've got'em right where I want'em.'

10 commandments

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

"After several chapters of pushing a boulder up a hill over and over again, I think your average reader will watn to see something else happen, Mr. Sisyphus."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"We need a plot twist."

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

He Didn't Know How To Appreciate Nature

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

Mid-list Author Magazine

Galoots in cahoots

I've decided to become a mystery writer. "Dark clouds filled the horizon as two young lovers walked along the shore. As if sensing something was about to happen, seabirds cautiously circled around the couple. Suddenly and without warning, the young man reached inside his jacket and pulled out a large bag of pretzels and began to feed the birds." I'm very proud of that opening. The story has just started and it's already filled with twists and terns.

Ghost Porn

"No, I don't mind if you peek,' said the mystery writer to the next victim.

'We find the defendant guilty, but feel his alibi would make a good premise for a John Grisham book.'

'Well, he gave me treats, patted me, played with me: How was I supposed to know he was a burglar?'

Live Bait.

"We’re going to have to be very discreet. We don’t travel together, and we don’t dine together."

"We need to spice up the company blog to get more views. . . We'll need you to have a torrid affair with Mrs Widlington."

'I like the lust,greed and sex - it's just the integrity that bothers me.'

Revenge of the Terror Elk

"And to think we started as a book club."

Weather soaps

Mayhem, Inc. Part 13

'The scruffy gits Fawkes.'

"So, in writing, there are six basic plots, and their sequels and derivative franchises."