Cultural Comparer Pillows

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

"Herb's from Texas."

"Alas poor yoghurt - I knew it well..."

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

"I can never go metric. 'Al's 30.48 Centimeter Hot Dogs' just doesn't sound right."

Overly wordy travel.

Californians Abroad.

"My mind is still on vacation."

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

'Last week we paid £400 for a box at Convent Garden to see 'Il Barbiere Di Siviglia' and I spent the entire evening dreaming of 'Take That''.

'What I meditate on is we have rice and tea for lunch, and in the west they have burgers, fries and shakes.'

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

A Wrestler Abroad

'Some things I can overlook, Dominic, but if you call me bruv once more I'll.....'

Christ the redeemer, Rio de Janeiro, wearing ski gear.

'What do you mean, there's no casino here? Your franchise in Vegas has one.'

A Cornish Man

'The new guy is great for morale, but he's clueless about the dress code.'

Culture Wars

Eskimo opera singer, "He's from Opera North"

"We know 'How'. Just tell us who!"

Fu Dynasty

'Nice tattoo, Dave.'

"Maybe this how Casual Friday is done in Moose Jaw, but not the Big Apple."

'Uh-oh, I think my saddle's on backward. . . No wait, I'm not wearing a saddle.'

"Get outta here—I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, too!"

'I think he's spent too much time in the city.'

"Stereo! That spells trouble - another all night rave!"

"His coffee's always crap for about a week after the MacArthur genius-grant winners are announced."

Memoirs