Culinary Training Gifts

"On. More. Try."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You're the lid to my pot."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Picking pastries.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Cookbooks

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Rump roast?"

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"