Culinary Purist Mugs

'I know for a fact my grandma never used propylene glycol monoesters, polysorbates, sorbitan monostearate and di-glycerides.'

EAT: Ambience-free cusine

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Canape?

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Grandma's caf

The Origins of Everything

Countervailing Clichés.

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

In the DNA Kitchen

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

You're the icing on my cupcake!

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."