Culinary Punchlines T-Shirts

Small Business Advisor - Sports Training in the Restaurant Business.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Soup of the month.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Chez Nous Menu

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

6 Brothers Falafel

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Cookbooks

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Would you like some wings?"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Ninja bread men"

Wok. Don't Wok.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"