Culinary Instructor Pillows

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Directions: Serve cold.'

Fruitcake

Never mix business and pleasure.

Cheese Secret

This is a classic dish, that I've pulled apart, then reconstructed.

Intolerant Chef

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Hide all the chopsticks."

'Lovely, how old is this Stilton?' - 'Lets put it this way, it used to be cheddar.'

'It's all homemade.'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"

"Then add one extra large egg..."

10,000 Tasty Rabbit Recipes

"Birds' nest soup! Is that all you've got?"

Talking oven says first date not so hot, but ovens temps may vary.

Chef

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"I blame all those ruddy celebrity chefs."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Al Dante

Old Spice

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

"The Ginsu knives of Damocles"

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"And how is the 'medium' salmon you had me overcook?!"

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Fools! You're not supposed to *eat* the bay leaves!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

'Yes, but the carrots are still hard.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

How to mince a pie 1. Get hold of a pie 2. Mince that pie 3. Serve to your guests