Culinary Instructor Pillows

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Directions: Serve cold.'

Fruitcake

Never mix business and pleasure.

Egg faces firing squad of chefs.

Cheese Secret

This is a classic dish, that I've pulled apart, then reconstructed.

Intolerant Chef

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Hide all the chopsticks."

'Lovely, how old is this Stilton?' - 'Lets put it this way, it used to be cheddar.'

'It's all homemade.'

It was a defining moment in television history when Gordon Ramsay stuffed the peasant.

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"The butter-poached lobster with melted leeks and horseradish creme fraiche...you want that in a wrap?"

"Then add one extra large egg..."

10,000 Tasty Rabbit Recipes

"Birds' nest soup! Is that all you've got?"

Talking oven says first date not so hot, but ovens temps may vary.

Chef

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"I blame all those ruddy celebrity chefs."

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Al Dante

Old Spice

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

"The Ginsu knives of Damocles"

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"And how is the 'medium' salmon you had me overcook?!"

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Fools! You're not supposed to *eat* the bay leaves!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"