Culinary Critics Prints

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Nutty, yet with a hint of oak."

Expectations vs. reality

Beef Stew.

Pink Slime Burger

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"In my experience the Baptist have the best potlucks."

"Oh, come on. You liked it fine before you found out this was a chain."

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"They won't grind fresh pepper here, but they'll open your can of soup right at the table!"

"I'm just cutting out the middle man."

'I'll be glad when Mother gets home - Your cooking is atrocious!'

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

You spend all day comparison shopping, and you end up with THIS stuff?

'If we had eaten at home,we would have saved $48.75 and we wouldn't have had to sit on the floor!'

Our new regulations.

Butler asking if the meat is too hard

Foodies at a Diner. We'll have the alphabet soup, unless it's Helvetica or Times New Roman.

"It's totally unfair! I can't vape but you can cook with gas?!"

Breakfast Special

The Dinner Builiding

"Oh, you do it that way, do you?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

6 Brothers Falafel