Culinary Contrarian Pillows

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

The Origins of Everything

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Man sitting and reading 'Joy of Take Out' book surrounded by take out boxes.

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Bookworm group

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'Yes, but is it tart?'

Empty landscape containing food and stationery.

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

Whipping Cream

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'We're looking for new, original thinkers...people who can think 'outside the box'...'

'If everyone's thinking outside the box a man who thinks inside the box is bound to have the advantage.'

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

Hospital food. Because you're just not sick enough.

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

'I know we're supposed to flock together, but I want to see a different movie...'

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"It's called 'Mom's spinach casserole'."