Crystal Gazing Guru Pillows

"Why bother?"

Apples for sale

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

Intelligent people laugh too!

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

If nobody had invented graphics

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'As far as clock watching goes, you take the biscuit.'

"Bonk!"

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Newton's Cradle Solar System

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"It will be all your fault."

His and Hers Gravity Bars.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

Ill next Thursday

"Galileo soon modified his gravity experiments" "Ready to catch it?"