Crystal Ball Gazer Pillows

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'How do you want it - the crystal mumbo jumbo or the statistical probability?'

Economists.

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"I see good things in your future."

'When will it be OK to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"You had a great summer and you're going to have a great fall."

'I see weapons of mass destruction!'

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

"Beware start-ups with a negative cash flow."

'We'll start with the minutes of next year's AGM.'

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

'Shall we get started - You haven't got all day.'

'Lucky you! I see cherries!...No, wait. They're cranberries'

'Now he wants to talk? Five years I've been gone. What kind of son waits five years to contact his mother?'

'You will work harder for less than your parents and you may never retire. The good news is, you'll live longer.'

'For $50, I predict your future. Act now and I'll even throw in a few self-fulfilling prophecies.'

"Is that before or after tax?"

Farmer Problems.

"I see you getting rich because of what the gold in your rings is now bringing."

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

'Stranger?.. No, it's definitely a tall, dark strangler.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I see...I see you voting 'no' about something..."

'Someone close to you is about to get a nasty shock'.

Man see's 'Distribution' in his crystal ball

Fortune teller describes to angler the size of the fish he's going to catch.

Bob gets a reading on the futures market: 'Ok...first I'll need you to pay cash, up front, within the next ten minutes...'

Nostradamus.

'You're going on a journey.' - 'Will I find a place to park?'

'It's five dollars cheaper if you watch the commercials.'

'Do you believe in telepathy?' 'That's exactly what I was going to ask you.'