Crystal Ball Curious Gifts

'I can't see your future, but luckily I'm very good with vague generalities and meaningless half truths.'

'I see a body of water...with soap.'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

"Want to know how many Facebook 'likes' you'll have when you die?"

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Quantum Psychic

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Windows or Mac?

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

Ill next Thursday

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Nostradamus.

Hog Futures

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."