Crystal Ball Consultant Gifts

'Google up 10, Apple up 8, Facebook down 5, Ford up 12, GM up 6, Exxon down 8...'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Quantum Psychic

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

Windows or Mac?

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

Crystal Ball Plug

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

Psychic car mechanics.

Hog Futures

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

"Joe, is that you? Can you really hear me? What's the password for the email?"

"Beware of start-ups with a negative cash flow."

Big Medium

Fortune teller describes to angler the size of the fish he's going to catch.

"I see a red cape, oh wait, be warned: There's a sword hidden under it!"

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

You will go on a trip.

'I see you're not wearing clean underpants.'

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'