Crying Enthusiast Mugs

"I always cry at weddings because I'm philosophically opposed to the institution of marriage."

Water divining.

Licensed Therapist

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"How sweet of you to say -- and how dare you!"

Grumpy Old Men

"When I get older, I want to be just like you, Dad."

'Hello - I've been parachuted in to save the bank.'

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"I can't come out, Mary is having one of her marathon cries."

'Maybe you should try crying on the OUTSIDE....'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

Of course, you do --- Yu have mixed feelings about everything!

'Kids get right up my nose!'

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"I was so happy after winning the Mood Swing World Champs, I did a victory lap of all the known emotions."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Valentine's Day Kiss

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

'Wow, breathing! What a concept.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

My valentine

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

'First, developing your brain! There's enough time for feelings later!'

"Try to smile a bit louder."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"