Cruelty-free Cosmetics Pillows

Medusa trying to buy hair care products.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Have you got your make up on yet?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

"Hair spray"

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

"More concealer?"

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."