Critic With A Twist Mugs

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

A gentleman inspecting a painting.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

'Man, I'm sick of thinking...can't someone flip on a T.V. or something?'

"Waiter, there's a man bun in my soup."

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'

Mom's Mortuary

Evolution of Man

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

Free Speech has heavy price.

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

Trump White House Word Search

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have a degree in art appreciation."

'Dirty, lesbian, whore, bitch, gang bangs turned out to be Finding Nemo!'

"You forgot his tail."

The Internet...

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

Genetically Modified Apples

'Sorry general, but this is a four star restaurant.'

'Stocks dipped on the news that the manufacturing . . .'

"These are my 'Nebraska attack poodles'. They don't bark, they don't bite, they just do exactly what they're told. . ."