Crisp Connoisseur Pillows

These new crisps are pretty good! It's wonderful what cam be done with old cornflakes and salt.

'So this is what you meant when you promised to take me out for a 'three course meal'!'

Man eats crisps outside, with people puffing on cigarettes, saying: 'They're smoky bacon.'

"...and how do you like your chips, sir - thin, regular or chunky?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'He likes to power nap.'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

Happy Hour

The Trojan Beagle.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

The Snarky District

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'