Criminal Mischief Fans T-Shirts

"I'm turning myself in-now can I claim the reward?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'Not much cop are you!'

Bribery and Corruption.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

The few moments delay was the downfall of 'The Cat'.

The Codfather.

Therapy among thieves

New York City, the Bronx, and another successful Vice Squad raid comes to wraps (real vices used for arresting criminals).

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

Good Mop, Bad Mop.

'He's working undercover to find out 'what up' with youth gangs.'

'Bad police dog! What have I told you about planting evidence?'

'Police? I'm being stalked.'

'Donut shop is down the hall to your right - and I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer present.'

'I want you to go give those Herrings a warning to stay off our turf... leave this packet of chips on their doorstep.'

"Tommy, when ya gonna start doing your own laundry?"

"Mr McNab gives primal scream therapy for shoplifters."

'I'd like to report a sporran-snatcher.'