Crime Story Critic Prints

'Why is it always about me?'

'Forget about Kilroy — the trail is cold.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Puss in cement boots"

Cat Burglar

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

The evidence destroyed

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'