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"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

" . . . the victim was slowly roasted until golden brown and then. . . Oh my gawd! Stuffed with bread and savory herbs and spices!"

"You realize, I guess, that you've left your DNA on that."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"It's just a wild guess but I suspect that the 14 points apply done at six countries may have contributed to your feeling a 'bit unwell'."

Crime

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

"Nobody leave this room."

Mafia machine gun case.

'You're not a very good listener, are you?'

'It appears that he was given payback by his trophies.'

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

"I take it this is your first day as a scene of crimes officer?"

'Better call the coroner, Mahoney... I can't tell if this is a homicide or some sicko's idea of romance.'

Money Launderette

'And what do you do?'

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Just as I suspected, this man is obese."