Crime Scene Buff Pillows

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

"Hmmm. . . it's certainly a puzzle."

'So you say she wasn't your real grandmother?'

Crime Scene Humour

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Next camera crew 5 mins

"We need rain."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

Turkey Autopsy

'Yeah, forensics tested the carpet sample and found something alright - but it wasn't blood,,, Any guess what it might have been, Mr McGruff'

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

Hanging Mime - Such a waste of talent.

Penguin identity parade

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

"Any clues?"

"I found a partial thumbprint. Let's get the heck out of here"

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

"Looks like a tragic accident Chief. Although how he could trip and fall under a road roller beats me."

Excessive Paperwork

Police Fair.