Crime Rate Commentator Pillows

'Here's our wedding photo Mabel. Is that ID enough?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'See, Jimmy, as the population grows too dense, the rats begin to brutalize each other...'

New research on streetcrime

"We're from Neighborhood Watch. We'd like to see some I.D."

"It's not a spike in crime, it's a spike in REPORTING crime that was there all along. So... that's better, right?"

"Although my client was well aware of the falling crime rate, Your Honor, he chose not to be trendy."

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

Crime Prevention Seminar

"I see the cuts are starting to bite."

'To save the inconvenience of future muggings would you like to consider the convenient option of setting up a direct debit?'

A-1 security from crime....

Wot Chew Lookin' AT!

'My home's got 'fortress' features galore - the best burglar alarm - armed security guards - intercom system - closed-circuit television - etc. ... I'm a virtual prisoner in my own home!'

The Forensic Statistician...

'You have to do SOMETHING about it, or people will say you're soft on crime.'

Post Office: "All done. I've transferred ?40,000 to your bank account."

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"This is the part of the job I hate."

"Did you remember to lock the back door? You know we've got one of the highest burglary rates in the country?"

We're not going to rush round just because you've had a gnome pinched...

Please Give Up This Seat To Anyone Wielding a Knife or Blunt Instrument.

Looter has a garage type sale calling it a Looters Sale

'It's not for me - it's for my children's children.'

'You've got that silly blank look again George or someone really has stolen your identity this time!'

"Mum? I think it's time I knew the difference between boys and girls." "Boys are six times more likely to commit murder and seven of every ten of those killed will be girls. Anything else?"

'Sure, I've done some things I'm not proud of.'

Victimless crimes seem so futile.

'Isn't it nice to live in an area where you can leave your door open?'