Craving Conquerors Pillows

'This diet is killing me! -- Last night I dreamed that I ate Willy Wonka!'

'I do try to walk more! The donut shop is a good 1/2 block further tan the health food store!'

"Here we are."

Homo Gamus

To do before Saturday...

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

Gamers

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'But you said to clean my room.'

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

"That's the door to the gym, past all the snack machines."

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

'It's tough doing what's right when you see what's left.'

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

Walk dog, brush your teeth.

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

"See I told you the dentist was a pussycat."

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

"Ha ha, very funny. But seriously … there’s a pub at the top?"

"I hereby declare this planet for Oxymaxian territory"

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

Speleologist

"Man, what I wouldn't do for some Chinese take-out."

Scared as Hell Airlines.

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

"It's tough sticking to a diet when you're surrounded by temptation."

"Before coming here, I didn't even know I was acrophobic."

"You are right...testing shows you have chocolate in your DNA."

"There was a bee."

"Thank you for your enthusiastic but WRONG example of cursive writing."

"The Heavens Will be Mine."

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'