Cpa Pillows

Accountant getting a tattoo ('Born to Depreciate!')

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'I didn't talk when they had me on the rack, or used thumb screws. But when they started to explain a cash flow statement...'

Good Accountant/Bad Accountant.

'Very creative, though it doesn't quite compare with what we're doing over in accounting.'

'Go get someone from accounting to kill this damn excitement.'

Two doors. One says, 'IRS Entrance,' and the other says, 'Locked.'

Accountant sings the blues

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I don't know about the other judges, but I love what Paris Hilton and her accountant did with their Schedule C!'

'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.'

"I never should have taken on big clients."

'I can answer your tax question but you have to stop crying first.'

'That charge is for my accountant because this job is going to put me in a higher tax bracket.'

If you can hold off a week, you can deduct the child on your year one taxes. The Three Wise Accountants.

"Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business."

"We have a hazing for all our new accountants where we make them crunch letters."

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'Do you really think it's safe for you to hunt at tax time near other hunters when your license is 1040?'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

"Now that you've finished my taxes, would you look at my son's math?"

'That's Tuttle, the new whiz-kid in Accounting. They say he has a mind like fly-paper!'

'Just saying I'm a CPA is boring. I'm going to start saying 'I'm a CPA, as it were.''

'Definitely not unusual behavior this time of year, but certainly seldom witnessed!'

File, Henry, before the mob arrives.

"We're cooking the books."

"Can we write of all this mileage on our taxes?"

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

"I need a CPA to help me find the bad ones hiding in tax shelters."

The new, re-designed, shorter tax return form.

"Our accountant is great. We were a C corp, but now we're a B- corp."

Extreme Accounting!

"Tax time...my favorite time of the year."

"Nope, you owe the government absolutely nothing. It's true what they say...these are the most wonderful times of your life."