Covid-conscious Decorator Mugs

"The Christmas tree fairy is socially distancing."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Use your imagination.

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

"You're welcome."

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"Too bright."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

"I'm learning to live with existence."

New Coat of Paint at the Sistine Condos

Books / Coffee table books

'Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper, and there it was - Leonard Da Vinci's lost fresco ‘The Battle of Anghiari'.'

An assortment of vegetables in the form of Tables

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

"The next time we redecorate, how about if I choose the art?"

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of being a painter are the hardest.'

'It's my main decorating motif.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

Den Furniture

'For heaven's sake Janet - where have you disappeared to now?'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'