Courtroom Technician T-Shirts

'Your Honor, we can't find the defendant because we can't find the defendant.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Bailiff."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Arrogant junior barrister

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Overruled."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

Judges alarm clock: 'beep beep, all rise!'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."