Courtroom Quip Collector T-Shirts

'I tried that once -- there was too much information.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'