Courtroom Humor Aficionado Prints

It was a bum rap.

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

May I give each of the jury a small gift?.

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

The hour of justice

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Counsel examining witness

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."