Couples Coach T-Shirts

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Relationship Warning Lights

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

She - Interpreter - He.

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

Two Rages Passing in the Night

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'Lost that loving feeling. If found, call 555-1234.'

"He refuses to talk and he never listens."

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

Your Home Remodel Team

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Arthur, I need my space."

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"It's not you-it's me."

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'