Couple's Counselor T-Shirts

"I feel like there are two people in this body!"

"I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling with you."

Evolution of love

'Is your girlfriend still playing hard-to-get?', 'No -- now she's playing keep-away.'

'She has this irritating habit of looking over her shoulder when I'm weighing up a pretty girl behind her.'

"How come you only loosen up when you've got a cold?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Progress of a bookshelf'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"You've changed."

Relationship Warning Lights

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"